


ride me cowboy

by hanzo_png



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Ana is disappointed grandma, Awkward Flirting, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, F/M, Fluff, Gabe is the enabling dad, Gen, Genji Shimada is a Little Shit, Genji teaches karate and encourages kids to punch things, Genji used to too, Hanzo and Hana work at a maid café, Hanzo can be a snarky bitch sometimes, Hanzo works for him, Incomplete, Jesse and Fareeha are Bros™, Lúcio is a big music producer, M/M, Maid Cafe, Modern AU, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Young Genji Shimada, Young Hanzo Shimada, Young Jesse McCree, awkward hanzo, but I hoped you guys liked it anyways lmao, genji and hana are scheming best friends, mccree still dresses like a cowboy lmao, no actual plot, this is mostly mchanzo centric but a few chapters will be focused on the other ships!, will not be finished
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-24
Updated: 2018-01-10
Packaged: 2019-01-04 17:40:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12173625
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hanzo_png/pseuds/hanzo_png
Summary: What do you do when you trick your brother into working in a maid cafe and your new next door neighbor is hot as hell?Well, you invite the hot new neighbor to visit the cafe!Maybe cowboys like tough guys in maid dresses.Maybe the girl who owns that maid cafe digs awkward music producers.Maybe the quiet nurse likes over the top karate teachers.Who knows, maybe it could work out for all of them!





	1. It's the most embarrassing job I've ever taken, I swear to God.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm taking this a chapter at a time my dudes, mostly to keep the crack element alive. I'm just gonna have some fun putting these guys in silly/embarrassing situations tbh.... enjoy

  It was only supposed to be for the summer. Like, seriously only the for the summer. Hanzo had just graduated college, and needed to have some money to keep on his feet while he finished up his internship with Lúcio. He wasn't going to be working with the music or anything, but rather doing the communications part of it. He was happy to offer Hanzo a job after the internship, which was great… but the lack of pay, not so much. 

   When Genji found out about the internship be was taking, he was quick to suggest a job for him. All he provided him with was that it was a café. Hanzo didn't bother asking what kind, and that was, unfortunately, a big mistake on his part. He'd arrived at the location only to see a…God, a maid café. Genji is kidding. He has to be, because if he wasn't, this is fucked up. Hanzo quickly pulls out his phone, feeling his face heat up. 

   He hears a snicker on the other side when he picks up, and immediately, he scowls. “Quit laughing. You knew about this, didn't you?” He demands, not finding it funny at all. All Genji does is laugh even louder, which further pisses Hanzo off. “Genji.”

   The laughter dies down a little as Genji catches his breath. “Okay, look, I was serious. Just go inside. Really. I think you'll fit right in with-” Genji starts dissolving into laughter again. “-everyone there.”

   Hanzo is quiet for a long moment before he sighs. He did need work, after all, and was just a little desperate. “How do you know?” He mutters, feeling frustrated. Genji chuckles. 

   “I took a job there when I was in high school. You probably don't remember it…but I had a lot of fun,” He explains, and Hanzo goes quiet, tossing memories around and trying to remember if Genji actually had a job back then. He's quiet for a long moment before it clicks. 

   “The maid café…” He whispers, his eyes widening a bit as he remembers. “That's where you worked, right…” He turns to look at the building, which had a bunch of cute cartoon animals and characters stuck to the windows, with girls- Yes, girls, not boys -walking in and out, giggling to each other. There was something off. “You never told me what exactly you did there.”

   “Hanzo.” Genji ignores what he said. “Go inside. You'll get the job, like, immediately.” Hanzo can tell he's grinning, and it pisses him off.

   “Fine. But I'm not happy about this.” He hangs up without saying goodbye, then looks at the building again. Taking a breath and steeling himself, he walks inside. He's greeted with the smell of tea and the sweet, sugary scent of cake and cookies...and a lot of giggling. He takes a look around and…

   Alright, there were a few things that struck Hanzo as odd.

   For one, this didn't seem like the typical maid café one would imagine when they go to visit one. Instead of cute girls in costumes, prancing about as they served customers, it was men. Like, grown men, in various states of dress…or, rather, undress. This was teetering on sexual, really, but everyone seemed to be fine with it, especially the customers. The employees were wearing skimpy dresses that gave just a tiny peek of their asses, and it makes Hanzo blush darkly at the scandalous scene he was witnessing. He covers his face with one of his hands for a moment, trying to gather enough strength to find the manager. 

   Well, he gets pretty lucky, because a spry young woman in a short, poofy pink dress, rabbit ears on her head, and little pink marks on her cheeks walks over to him, smiling. “Hi there, can I help you?” She asks, looking up at him. Hanzo looks at her, clearing his throat a bit. 

   She was cute, that was for sure, and it should be expected that she'd work in a place like this, that she'd be working here, but the men? Not so much. “Ah, yes. My brother said you were hiring but, uh.” He looks around. “I didn't expect it to be, um…quite like this.” His voice goes a bit low, and the young woman laughs. 

   “We’re just like any other maid café. We just…appeal to a different crowd.” She looks him over, then smirks. “Mm, I think you'd fit right in.”

   God damnit Genji.

   “God damnit Genji,” Hanzo whispers, and immediately the young woman perks up. 

   “Genji? Genji Shimada? Do you know him?” She asks, her face alight with a certain sort of mischievousness. Hanzo is suddenly afraid. 

   “Um, yes…He's my brother-”

   “No way!” She squeals a bit. “He was our most popular maid!” She's grinning, and Hanzo swears he sees stars in her eyes. “I can't believe another Shimada is coming to work for us!” She grips his hand and leads him through the café and to an office in the back, where she sits him down. He's still afraid. 

   “I-I don't know if I actually, uh, want to take this job.” He sits up straight in the chair, kind of fiddling with his hands. The young woman sits at the desk, looking completely serious, even in her getup. 

   She offers him a friendly smile. “First off,” She begins, disregarding his comment. “My name is Hana Song, and I'm the owner here.” She holds out her hand, and Hanzo stares for a moment before taking her hand and shaking it. 

   “Hanzo,” He says quietly, and Hanzo nods. 

   “I think Genji might've mentioned you…” She muses, thinking for a moment. “Anyways, I think you'd appeal to our clientele, Hanzo. Quite a lot, too.” She smiles a little and gives him a quick once over. Lean but strong looking, cute, unblemished face, long, sleek hair, stunning eyes, a certain air of innocence around him…hm. “Yeah, quite a lot…”

   Hanzo can't help it when he blushes just a bit. “Genji set me up in a trap,” He whispers. “He didn't tell me what kind of café this was.” Hana hums, nodding slowly. 

   “Well, you're hired, if you want to take the job. We offer five dollars above minimum wage, in addition to whatever tips you make each night. And, uh, not to give anything away, but some of our guys make at least a hundred dollars worth of tips in a shift, so…maybe that's incentive, maybe it's not, I don't know.” She waves her hand, smiling mischievously. Hanzo can't deny it, the promise of great pay and great tips sure does sound enticing, especially with his lack of funds at the moment…he could definitely use that sort of money to keep the bills paid for now. 

   He's quiet, and it's obvious he's thinking it over. Aha, she's got him. She rubs her hands together, grinning, looking at him. Then, he speaks. “Alright, I'll take it,” He tells her, voice firm, a spark of determination in his eyes. Hana gives a pleased little squeal, clapping her hands. 

   “Awesome! Let's get all your paperwork filled out, and you'll be set! Do you have any questions for me or anything?” She asks him, already shuffling through a file cabinet to find the proper paperwork. Hanzo rubs the back of his neck. 

   “Do I have to walk around in a dress?” He asks, almost embarrassed that the words even came out of his mouth. Hana looks over, then smirks. 

   “Well, yes. That's our whole motif. There's something scandalous and fun about it, to the customers, and they really enjoy it,” She explains, pulling out some papers, setting them on the desk.

   Oh, of course. Hanzo has to have fun here. Fun in a dress. A dress. Hana eyes him as he seems to scowl down at the papers on the desk, and she clears her throat, giving him a look that asks ‘what's wrong’? Hanzo sighs. “I've never…done anything like this,” He whispers, lowkey embarrassed about this. 

   Hana softens a bit. “Look, I promise once you get into the swing of things you'll have a lot of fun. You'll enjoy it.” She hands him a pen from the cup on her desk- a bright pink pen with feathers coming from the top if it. Hanzo takes it, then looks down at the papers again. 

   And, probably against his better judgment, he starts filling them all out. 

 

***

 

   It disturbs Hanzo that Genji is so ready and willing to visit Hanzo on his first day of work. He'd been in the same boat himself a few years back, but it so much more fun, because it was Hanzo. Big, stoic, serious Hanzo, in a maid outfit that barely covered his crotch. He hadn't left the house like that, oh God no, but he'd gotten dressed at work. So, naturally, because Genji didn't see him before he left, he went right down to Kuidaore Café to see his older brother in a skimpy outfit attempt to serve people while being all flirty with them. The thought was absolutely fucking hilarious to him. 

   And he's definitely not disappointed when he walks in to see Hanzo with his usually pale face all flushed pink as he desperately tried to hold down his skirt as he walked because it kept riding up and sort of exposing him. Of course, he had a few bills in his apron, which proved that he was doing decently his first day. Genji was proud of him. He's greeted by one of the other men, a well toned guy dressed in a crop top and very short shorts. He leans against the podium the hostess usually stood at and grins.

   “Genji, baby, it's so good to see you,” He says with a grin, and Genji just chuckles and nods. 

   “It's good to see you again too. So, I actually came to see someone specific,” He says with a hopeful smile, and the man raises an eyebrow.

   “Oh?” He glances over his shoulder at the various employees. “Who?” He pauses, holding up a finger and telling Genji not to speak. “Let me guess. The new guy?”

   Clapping his hands once, then rubbing them together, he nods. “Oh, yes,” He murmurs with a grin. “He's my brother. I came to laugh at him.”

   The man laughs out loud and nods. “Alright, alright. I can dig it. Lemme grab you a seat, come on.” He leads Genji to a table in the back, gives him a wink, then walks off to get Hanzo. 

   Hanzo is still fiddling with his skirt, huffing when it won't get any longer, despite his constant pulling. He's sequestered himself to a more hidden away part of the café so he can suffer alone for a little while, so he grimaces when the guy comes up to him. “Ugh, what now?” He whispers, and the man smirks. 

   “You've got a special guest, Shimada. He's pretty eager to see you, I'd skidaddle on over there, don't keep him waiting.” He gestures behind him to where Genji sits at a table, giving Hanzo a big smile and an exuberant wave. Hanzo’s face burns even more. God damnit, of course he'd pull something like this…

   “Thank you,” He mumbles, doing his best to sound d sarcastic. The guy just smiles and gives him a salute before letting Hanzo walk over to his brother. He frowns and puts his hands on his hips when he faces Genji. “What.”

   Genji smiles sweetly as he leans against the table. “You're adorable,” He says as pulls a folded up twenty from his sleeve and tucks it into Hanzo's apron. Hanzo gasps quietly. 

   “Do not,” He warns, a stern look on his face. He takes the bill out of his apron and hands it back, but Genji doesn't take it. Hanzo puts it back in his apron with a roll of his eyes, then he glares at Genji again. “You were a fool for coming here.”

   “Oh please, this was too good to pass up,” He says with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Anyways, I thought you'd be more…loose, by now. You know…relaxed.”

   Hanzo can't believe what he's hearing. “Relaxed? Really? Definitely not.” He huffs and crosses his arms, looking away. Genji smirks. 

   “You didn't have to take the job you know,” He reminds him with a smile, waving his finger at him.

   “The promise of money was what made me say yes,” He states, and Genji snickers. 

   “Yeah, I get that. Kinda what got me too. Let me tell you, I rocked the dresses,” He says with a wink and big smile. “I was pretty popular.”

   “So I've been told.”

   “I thought you might have some fun with it, you know? No judgment here.” Genji looks up at him, resting his chin in his hands. “Relax a little.”

   “Genji, it's the most embarrassing job I've ever taken, I swear to God,” Hanzo says quietly, bringing one hand up to massage the bridge of his nose, exasperated. 

   Genji huffs and gets up, his smile unwavering. “You'll get used to it.” He pats his shoulder gently. “Have a good rest of your shift, Hanzo,” He murmurs, offering his brother a genuine, slightly sympathetic smile. Hanzo just nods at him before walking off, and Genji leaves. 

   Okay, he'll admit, he did kind of screw Hanzo over. This was not something Hanzo would ever want to do, and Genji knew that. He knew that very well. But the snarky younger brother in him wanted to see his older brother suffer just a little bit. Just a little bit. Honestly, Genji had really enjoyed working there. He made a lot of friends and had gotten paid pretty well, and Hana was the biggest sweetheart and cared a lot about the wellbeing of her employees. He thinks if Hanzo opened his mind a little bit, he'd actually enjoy it there too. 

   But knowing Hanzo, it wouldn't happen. Ever. 


	2. Welcome to the neighborhood, sorry my brother is hitting on your friend.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe cowboys do like tough guys in dresses after all.

  The first week goes by, and Hanzo makes an extra five hundred dollars in addition to a decently hefty paycheck. Hana definitely wasn't lying when she said the pay was good. She'd explained it to him one day. Revenue was fantastic because a lot of people were actually pretty happy with the content she was providing. She had no problems paying well and letting them keep all their tips. She wanted to treat her boys well, after all. 

  During Hanzo's weekend off, Genji pops into his room. He's just gotten home from his own job; There was a lot of fun to be had teaching kids to beat things up. (Karate. He taught Karate.) “Hey, Hanzo,” He says with a little smile. Hanzo looks up from what he's doing, which is some bring-home office work for Lúcio. 

  “What?” He asks, a bit annoyed. He had a lot of work to do, after all… Genji just comes over and closes the manila folder Hanzo had open on his desk. 

  “Get up. There's a big moving truck outside, people are moving in next door,” Genji tells him. “I wanna go meet them.” He's got this funny smirk on his face, and Hanzo eyes him warily. 

  “Why?” He asks, suspicious. “You didn't want to meet the last neighbors…” Genji huffs and puts his hands on his hip. 

  “These ones are hot, that's why,” He explains with a big roll of his eyes. “Come on, we have to be polite neighbors. Give them a warm welcome, you know?” 

  This doesn't make Hanzo any less wary. Genji seems too excited to formally meet them, and he kind of wonders what's up. Curiosity gets the best of him and he huffs, pushing away from his desk and standing up. “Fine. Let's go.” He walks out of the room, and Genji follows him, grinning. 

  Once downstairs, Hanzo slides on his shoes and heads outside, Genji close behind him. Hanzo looks to his left to see the moving truck Genji mentioned, and a few different people walking back and forth between the truck and the house. There's two young women, probably around his age, a couple older people, and-

  Oh holy shit.

  Oh fuck. 

  What the hell?

  Hanzo can feel a fire light up inside him when he sees him. A tall, tan skinned man with a cigarette between his lips and a fucking  _ cowboy hat _ propped perfectly on his head, his hair pulled up into a teeny ponytail under it. Hanzo almost wants to laugh, because not only is he wearing the cowboy hat, he's got the boots too. He looks like a proper country boy, and that just- it's so-

  “Cute, isn't he?” Hanzo is brought out of his thoughts when Genji nudges him. Hanzo gives a quick shake of his head, and Genji just shrugs him off and continues. “But…I've got my eyes on the blonde over there…” He gestures to the blonde woman hoisting a box out of the truck labeled ‘Angela's Room’. She was sweet looking, her features soft, and her hair shining in the sun sort of gave off an angelic feel. “I'm gonna go talk to her.”

  “Genji, come on, they're busy-” Hanzo tries to stop him, but Genji ignores him, calling out to the woman, who looks over in confusion. Hanzo puts his face in his hands a moment. Genji could be so embarrassing sometimes. When he finally looks up again, Genji is leaning against the truck, talking to the woman, who is kind of struggling to hold up her box now. It must be heavy. 

  Cowboy looks over after walking back outside, and when he sees Angela laugh nervously and almost drop the box, he runs over and takes it. He gives an awkward smile to Genji before taking the box inside. He walks back out again, and it's only now does he seem to notice a scowling Hanzo. And Hanzo is too focused on scowling at his brother to notice Cowboy walking over to him.

  “Howdy.”

  Hanzo's head spins to look at Cowboy, because honestly he can't believe what the fuck he's hearing right now.  _ Howdy _ ? “Uh. Howdy?” He repeats, not even sure why he just repeated him. Look, in all fairness, the communication caught him off guard, okay? What else was he supposed to say? 

  Cowboy chuckles, tipping his hat. “I take it you're our neighbor, huh?” He asks, then points over his shoulder at Genji. “And…that guy over there is..?” He looks to Hanzo for an answer, and Hanzo grimaces.

  “My brother.” He sighs and shakes his head. “I'm sorry he's hitting on your friend. I didn't expect him to give you such a…warm welcome.”

  Shrugging and glancing over, Cowboy shrugs. “It's alright.” He looks at Hanzo again and gives him a big smile, the kind of smile that could break hearts. Hanzo feels himself blush a bit as Cowboy holds out his hand. “Anyways, the name's Jesse, Jesse McCree. Pleasure to meet ya.” 

  Hanzo shakes his hand, smiling nervously. “Hanzo Shimada, it's a pleasure to meet you too.” Whew, nailed it. Cowboy- or, rather, Jesse -just nods, still smiling. He glances over at the woman and Genji, then snickers a bit when the other woman with them, a darker skinned woman with her dark hair piled into a bun on her head, walks over to Genji and the woman. She didn't look very happy the other woman wasn't doing anything but talking to Genji. 

  “Ah, so…that's Fareeha,” He gestures to the darker haired woman. “And that's Angela,” He points at the blonde. “We all went to school together, and we’re finally movin’ into our own place.”

  Hanzo nods, offering Jesse a small smile. “That's nice. My brother- his name is Genji -and I sort of got kicked out by our father after we both finished school, so it's just us living here. We haven't gotten new neighbors in a long time.”

  Nodding and putting his hands on his hips, Jesse watches as Fareeha grabs Angela's arm gently and starts pulling her away from Genji, who gives Angela a smile and an apologetic wave. He walks back over to Hanzo, smiling happily.

  “Yeah, she's…she's my type,” Genji tells Hanzo the second he walks up to him. Hanzo rubs the bridge of his nose, and Jesse snickers a bit. 

  “Is she now?” He asks Genji, and Genji’s face kind if falls. He clears his throat, and Jesse smirks. “I'll have ya know she's my girlfriend.”

  “Oh shit-” Genji's eyes widen almost comically. “I'm so s-”

  “I'm jokin’,” Jesse laughs, and Genji takes a moment to relax.

  Giving a nervous, awkward laugh, Genji nods. “Um, right. So, I'm Genji,” He holds out his hand, and Jesse shakes it. 

  “Jesse, it's a pleasure,” Jesse says, and Genji nods. 

  “Hope to see you around,” He tells Jesse before he hurries away, lowkey just a bit embarrassed. Jesse chuckles as he walks off, and he looks at Hanzo again, taking a deep breath.

  “Well, it was real nice to meet ya, Hanzo. I better get back, we gotta lot of stuff to bring in. We're plannin’ on havin’ a barbecue once we’re all moved in, y'all should come,” Jesse says with a hopeful smile, and Hanzo just gives him a nod and an awkward smile.

  “Mm, of course. I'm sure Genji and I can make it, just tell us when it is,” Hanzo tell him. Jesse gives him a pat on the shoulder.

  “Can do, neighbor. Catch ya ‘round.” And with that, he walks off. Hanzo watches him- ooh, nice ass, even in those loose fitting jeans -before inhaling sharply and hurrying back inside, slamming the door shut. 

  “So was I right or was I right?” Genji asks, grinning at his brother. “They're hot.” Hanzo narrows his eyes a bit at Genji before frowning. 

  “Yes. And it pisses me off,” He mutters before starting up the stairs to his room to finish his work. But Genji stops him, bewildered.

  “Wait, why does it piss you off?” He asks, chuckling a bit. Hanzo huffs. 

  “Because…reasons.” He shrugs Genji's hand of his shoulder and continues up the stairs, and Genji just sighs and crosses his arms, smiling a little and shaking his head. 

  Ah, yes. Hanzo was totally flustered by Cowboy guy. Genji is surprised Hanzo is even remotely attracted to someone. He kind of thought his brother was incapable of it, but this was an interesting development.

  An interesting development indeed. 

 

***

 

  Hanzo had left for work about an hour ago, leaving Genji alone in the house, since it was his day off. He was pretty bored…really damn bored… He almost kind of wonders what that pretty blonde woman- her name was Angela, they’d dsicovered -was up to. But more importantly, he wonders what Mr. Cowboy was up to. Hanzo clearly had a thing for him, especially with the way he blushed every time they happened to see each other in their driveways as they went off to work each morning. It made Genji laugh every time. 

  But today, Cowboy’s car was still in the driveway. 

  Today, he was off. 

  Today, Genji thought he might give their relationship a little push. 

  Today, Genji is gonna play matchmaker and get those two talking. 

  He hops up off the couch and heads outside, feeling smug as hell as he walks up to their neighbors’ front door. He knocks a few times, then waits patiently. A few moments later, the dark haired woman- Jeez, what was her name? Pharah? No… -answers the door, only in her pajamas. It was noon…

  “Ah, Fareeha!” Her name clicks into Genji's mind. “Afternoon. I was wondering if C-” Whoops, almost called him Cowboy. “-if Jesse was here?”

  Fareeha looks him over then nods a little. “Yeah, I'll go get him. Sit tight.” She turns and walks back in, leaving the door open. “Jesse! Cute guy’s brother is here!” She shouts up the stairs, and Genji snickers when he hears Jesse shout something back along the lines of ‘don't say that in front of him ya goddamn bitch’. 

  He can hear Angela laughing somewhere he can't see her, and it warms his heart a bit-  _ No _ . Today was about Hanzo and Jesse. Genji had to stick to his mission. Jesse is soon at the door, smiling. “Hey there,” He says cheerfully, his tanned cheeks looking a bit red. “What's up, Genji?”

  Genji smiles. “Hey. I was wondering if you'd want to go out to lunch with me. Hanzo works at this café that's got some really good food.” Genji definitely notices Jesse's face light up a bit when he mention Hanzo. Wow, this was too easy.

  “Sure, that sounds great. Where's he work?” He asks as he tugs on his boots real quick. 

  “A little place called Kuidaore Café,” Genji tells him, and he's not surprised when Jesse gives him a bit of a blank look. “Never heard of it?” Jesse shakes his head. Oh, this was perfect.  _ Perfect _ . “You’ll love it.”

  Jesse chuckles a bit and nods. “I’m sure. We takin’ your car?” He asks, gesturing to Genji’s small, obnoxiously green car. Genji turns and looks at it, then nods. Jesse eyes him for a second before he nods. “Got it. Let’s go.” He starts walking to the car, and Genji grins. His plan was falling perfectly in place. Before he unlocks the car, though, he shoots a quick text to Hana.

*G-  _ hey hana i got a favor. im bringing hanzos crush to the cafe make sure hes available _

  Hana only takes a second to text back, and it makes Genji grin when he sees her response.

*H-  _ LMAO okay you got it _

  Genji slides his phone back in his pocket and finally unlocks the door for Jesse, who was waiting patiently for him to finish texting. “Sorry about that,” He says to Jesse as they get in. Jesse just shrugs and smiles. The drive is fairly quiet, but it’s not an awkward silence. When they arrive at the cafe, Jesse raises an eyebrow.

  “Hold on a hot sec, Genj, Hanzo works here?” He asks, a bit bewildered as he points at the building outside the window. Genji nods a bit, as if this situation was totally normal, and Jesse just blinks before looking at the building again. Huh, this didn’t seem like a place a guy like Hanzo would work. Maybe he was missing something… He decides on shrugging a little and getting out of the car, acting just as normal as Genji. Genji locks the car and twirls his keys a bit before pulling open the door for Jesse.

  Looking around at first, Jesse sees nothing too  _ extremely  _ different...until he sees the waitresses- no, wait,  _ waiters _ . His eyes widen, and Genji smiles smugly. He spots Hana from across the dining room and gestures for her to come over, which she happily does, her bouncy little walk making her dress bounce with her. “Hi there, welcome to Kuidaore!” She says to Jesse, folding her hands and smiling sweetly.

  Genji puts his arm around her shoulders, smiling. “Jesse, this is my good friend Hana,” Genji explains, squeezing her shoulders a bit. “She’s the owner here.” Jesse smiles slightly and holds out his hand to her.

  “Well it’s very nice to meet you, Miss Hana, I’m Jesse,” He says, and Hana shakes his hand; Jesse is actually surprised at how small and soft her hands were, a stark contrast to his own calloused hands. Hana seems to preen a bit when Jesse says her name. She shakes his hand and bows a bit.

  “It’s nice to meet you too,” She says with a smile. Then, she looks at Genji. “Can i get you guys a table?” She asks, pretending like she doesn’t have Genji’s little plan all set up for him. Genji nods.

  “Yes please. It’s Jesse’s first time here, you see. He’s just moved to town, figured I’d show him one of the best eateries around,” He explains, and Hana grins, nodding as she starts leading the two of them to a table that is, for now, out of Hanzo’s sight; the cafe was relatively big, actually. She sits them down, and Jesse gives her a small thank you as she hands them a couple menus, and a young man behind her sets down a couple glasses of water.

  “A server will be right with you,” She says slyly before walking away, giving the man beside her a secret high five. Jesse looks at Genji after she’s gone.

  “She seems awful sweet,” Jesse comments as he opens the menu. Genji nods in agreement, although ‘sweet’ would be far down on the list of things Hana was, honestly. It was all a disguise if you didn’t know her like Genji did.

  They both take their time looking over the menu. Meanwhile, on the other side of the cafe, Hana walks up to Hanzo, who’s just getting back from his break. “Hanzo, babe, someone was just sat in your section. I got their menus, but can you go get them started?” She asks, and Hanzo nods before walking towards the direction of his section of tables. But the second he sees that familiar head of green hair, Hanzo rolls his eyes...and then he sees a cowboy hat right next to him.

  Oh no.

  Oh  _ no _ he fucking  _ didn’t _ .

  That  _ asshole _ !

  Deciding it’s too late to turn around and resign from his job, he walks over with faux confidence. This was no big deal. No, Jesse would just laugh this off, pretend it’s nothing odd or strange...even though Hanzo was essentially in a Goddamn mini skirt with frills. 

  Who the hell is he kidding, this will go about as badly as Hanzo is picturing in his head.

  He walks up to the table, offering the two of them an overly sweet smile. Before he can even greet them, Jesse does a huge spit take with his water, getting the front of Hanzo’s dress, and his face, covered in water. Hanzo just cringes and closes his eyes, forcing the smile to remain. He inhales deeply, and Jesse smacks a hand over his mouth, eyes wide with horror. 

  “Welcome to Kuidaore Cafe,” Hanzo says cooly, his eyes still closed. Jesse just stares, and Genji is shaking with silent laughter at the whole situation. Hanzo opens one eye, smacks Genji upside the head, then looks at Jesse. “Can I get you started on anything, Mr. McCree?” He asks, and Jesse clears his throat as a bright red blush spreads across his tanned cheeks.

  “Uh,” He laughs and looks up at Hanzo. “Well, sure thing, but I gotta say…” Jesse gives Hanzo a long look over. Hanzo gently swats at Jesse’s face with his notepad, huffing, and Jesse looks up, holding up his hands. “I gotta say, ya got some damn fantastic legs, Han,” He murmurs, folding his hands in front of him. Hanzo blushes, looking away.

  “You spit on me, then you flirt with me?” He asks, crossing his arms and looking at Jesse again. “I do not think that that’s typically how you get someone to like you,” He states, and Genji laughs out loud, making Jesse glare at him a bit. 

  “You’re right, it’s just… Seein’ you in that outfit really...surprised me, is all.” He clears his throat again, looking up at Hanzo, who just forces a smile.

  “I can tell it surprised you, McCree, I’m covered in spit water,” He states, then opens his notepad again. Jesse jut rubs the back of his neck as Hanzo continues. “Now...can I get you anything to eat?” He tries again, looking between Jesse and the man who betrayed him so evilly.

  Genji smiles sweetly. “Seeing Jesse spit on you was all the food I’ll ever need for the rest of my life,” He murmurs, and Hanzo scowls at him. 

  “Fine. McCree?” He looks at Jesse, who holds up one finger and smiles.

  “Baby doll, you can just call me Jesse,” He starts. “And two-”

  “Don’t call me that.”

  “Alright then, darlin’-”

  “Don’t call me that either.”

  “Okay, Han-”

  “McCree.”

  “God damnit, fine,  _ Hanzo _ -”

  “Thank you.”

  Genji is more amused than he’s ever been in his entire life.

  “ _ Two _ ,” Jesse emphasizes, relieved that he’s finally able to continue. “I’ll just have a burger, if ya will.” Hanzo just sighs and writes it down.

  He closes the notebook and once more provides a forced smile. “Coming right up,” He murmurs, bowing a little before walking away from the table, covering his face with his notepad in shame.

  Jesse and Genji watch him go, and once he’s out of ear shot, Jesse smacks his hands on the table and leans in close. “He’s fuckin’ hot as hell, Genji, and I don’t like my men in dresses, you hear me?” He takes a breath. “He’s got legs to  _ die for _ .”

  Genji casually inspects his nails, smirking. “Mhm. Gets them from mom. I could, ah, give you his number, if you want…” He peeks up at Jesse, whose face sort of lights up.

  “Oh hell, yes please.”


	3. You really know how to pick 'em.

   Genji is honestly surprised that he's even breathing the next morning. Hanzo was not very pleased when he came home from work that night, after the whole McCree debacle. Oh no, he was furious. Not with Jesse, of course, he couldn't be mad at him. His asshole brother, on the other hand… absolutely. He heads downstairs for breakfast when he sees Hanzo typing away on his phone. 

  Raising an eyebrow, Genji walks over and peeks at the screen, curious. “What're you doing?” He asks quietly, and Hanzo glares, tipping the screen away from him. 

  “Back off. It's none of your business, pest,” Hanzo hisses, nudging Genji away from him. Genji scoffs. 

  “No need to be so rude, Hanzo, I was only doing you a favor,” He claims, crossing his arms and pursing his lips. Hanzo rolls his eyes, but he doesn't protest, which means… “Wait, did I actually do you a favor?” He asks, and Hanzo is quiet for another moment before he sighs.

  “Okay, look,” He says quietly. “Maybe you might have helped…Jesse and I started texting after my shift last night, and, um…” He shrugs a little. “We seem to be…getting along.” The light blush that crosses Hanzo's face makes Genji grin. 

  “ _ Getting along _ ?” He asks, eye a bit wide as he grips his brother's shoulders. “Getting along  _ how _ ?” Hanzo merely turns up his nose. 

  “ _ That _ is for me to know, and for you to never find out,” He says with a stern tone. Genji steps back, raising an eyebrow.

  “Seriously?” He murmurs, and Hanzo nods. 

  “Mhm. Seriously.” He moves away from Genji and puts his phone in his pocket. Genji eyes him suspiciously, then narrows his eyes. 

  “You didn't send him nudes did you?” He asks quietly, and Hanzo's head spins to face him, his eyes wide. 

  “I absolutely did not!” He gasps, shocked. “If you must know, he apologized for- for yesterday, and- and we just talked about work, that's all!” He sputters, trying to sound convincing of the truth. Genji doesn't seem to believe him. Hanzo shakes his head. “I'm serious, Genji. I would never send- I don't even know what that is.”

  “Liar.”

  “Okay, fine, but why would I send them to McCree of all people?”

  “Because you like him.”

  “That hardly warrants a naked photo, Genji.”

  Genji thinks. “Okay, then you would send one to him because…you want to get in his pants.”

  “His pants wouldn't fit me, Genji, he's bigger than I am.”

  Genji smacks a hand against his forehead, eyes closed.

  “And I don't know what wearing his pants has to do with naked photos.”

  Genji tilts his head back, face up towards the ceiling as he tries to comprehend what his brother is saying. “You cannot be serious right now, Hanzo,” Genji whispers, looking at Hanzo again. 

  Hanzo just stares at him, shaking his head a bit, looking totally confused. 

  “You're-” He sighs heavily. He knew that Hanzo had a harder time learning English than he did, but come on. That was such a common phrase. Did Hanzo not get those kinds of things yet? Shit, they'd been here for almost seven years already, what the hell? “Alright, nevermind. Just- nevermind.” He shakes his head and turns away to find breakfast. Hanzo shakes off all his confusion and picks up the mug of coffee he'd abandoned when Jesse had texted him. 

  He sighs and sips it. “Don't fill up too much,” He reminds him. “That barbecue they're hosting is this afternoon. Jesse says the will be more than enough food, and to come hungry.”

  Genji pauses as he's grabbing a box of cereal. He slowly puts it back, then closes the cabinet. “Right, right…” He murmurs. Then, he smiles. He'd been looking for an opportunity to talk to Angela, honestly, and this was perfect. Hanzo smirks. 

  “What are you smiling about?” He asks. “Is it that Angela girl?” The way Genji just sort of chuckles confirms it. “Ah, you like her. She does seem like a sweet girl. I've seen her on the way home once or twice, she's a nurse at the hospital downtown. She works nights.”

  “I can't believe you know more about my crush than I do,” Genji mutters, crossing his arms. “Not fair.”

  Hanzo scoffs. “What isn't fair is you bringing the man I was interested in to my work, where I wear dresses.  _ That  _ is not fair.”

  Mulling this over for a moment, Genji nods. “Alright, you got me. You win. But, he also thought you were cute.”

  Hanzo grimaces. “Shut up. Go- I don't know, go pick out some ugly Hawaiian shirt or something to wear to the barbecue,” He mutters, waving him off dismissively. 

  “Hey, I happen to love my ugly Hawaiian shirts.” Genji puts his hands on his hips. “What are you wearing?” He asks, looking Hanzo over.

  “Uh…” Hanzo looks at himself. “This?” He was in jeans and a plain black t-shirt, his long hair pulled back into a ponytail. Genji narrows his eyes, then waves his hand in a circle at Hanzo. 

  “Oh no, you're not. You know what would be fun? If we wore matching shirts. I have one in blue you could borrow,” Genji says, suddenly looking super excited. Hanzo blinks as Genji claps his hands. 

  “You have- you want us to match?” He asks, eyeing him. Genji nods quickly.

  “Come on, that would be great,” He says with a smile, gently shaking Hanzo. Hanzo shakes his head. 

  “No. Absolutely not.”

 

***

 

  The shirt was just a little small on him, because Genji's frame was smaller than his own. It hugged him pretty nicely, which Hanzo wouldn't have minded if it wasn't a bright blue Hawaiian shirt, and his brother wasn't wearing a matching green one beside him as they walking into their new neighbor’s barbecue hours later. Heads turn to look at them, but it's Jesse that looks first. He grins and walks over, planting a kiss on Hanzo's cheek. 

  “Glad ya could make it, darlin’,” Jesse murmurs. “You too Genji,” He says as he turns to Genji and shakes his hand. Hanzo lowkey wipes his cheek off before Jesse turns back to him. “Hey, nice matchin’ shirts. The three of us are matchin’ too.” He gestures to himself, then Angela and Fareeha across the lawn. All of them are wearing shirts that say ‘Three Friends Family Barbecue’ on them in bedazzled letters across their chests. Fareeha’s bedazzled letters are…well, very much on display. She lowkey look miserable. 

  It's probably the bedazzled letters.

  Hanzo miles slightly. “They are, ah…very sparkly,” He says quietly, looking at them. Jesse looks proud of himself as he puts his hands at his hips.

  “Designed ‘em m’self. Me and Angela stayed up all night puttin’ the rhinestones on. Fareeha said they were silly, but-”

  “They're stupid, Jesse,” Fareeha provides from across the yard as she pulls a beer from a cooler by the grill. Jesse turns and glares.

  “Buzzkill,” He snaps, flipping her off. She flips him off right back, making Angela snicker. Jesse just huffs and looks back at Hanzo and Genji, who are both trying not to laugh. 

  “Well,” Genji clears his throat a bit. “I think they're nice. What do you think, Hanzo?” He looks up at Hanzo, who takes a breath, smiling. 

  “I think so too,” He murmurs, nodding a bit. It wasn't a lie, per se, because they really were made quite well. It's just…bedazzled letters… But hey, if they had fun making them, who was Hanzo to judge, huh? 

  Jesse presses a hand to his heart, looking rather touched by the compliment. “Thank you. You guys wanna a beer or anything?” He asks, and they both nod. Jesse smiles and walks off to grab a couple beers. They just sort of mill about after that, letting the other neighbors sort of file in. Lúcio and Hana both show up, because they lived in the same cul de sac, even if they don't show their faces very often. Jesse is incredibly. pleased to meet them, but also pleased to see his invitation was actually received by them. The others don't show up, but the backyard was decently buzzing now, and the mood was generally good. 

  Hanzo is introduced to Jesse's adoptive father, Gabriel, and his…friend?..Jack (Jesse didn't even seem sure about what their relationship was, but Hanzo and Genji both don't think they're just friends. Definitely something going on there). Gabriel doesn't seem like the kind of guy to like barbecues. Jack, on the other hand, is wearing a red shirt very similar to the ones Hanzo and Genji are wearing, cargo shorts, socks and fucking sandals, and the frosting on the cake? A blue apron that says ‘raise the steaks’ on it. Genji is getting a huge kick out of it, just sort of laughing at its genius, while Hanzo rubs his temple. They seem like nice folks, really. 

  Ana, Fareeha’s mother, is sitting quietly in the corner of the yard, just sort of watching, almost like a babysitter. At one point, Fareeha leans close to Hanzo. “Yeah, she's always been like that. Don't be surprised if she asks you to watch your language,” She murmurs with a smirk. Hanzo nods, pretty amused by that. 

  Near the end of the evening, Genji finally works up the courage to walk over and talk to Angela, who's been quietly sipping from her beer bottle, just sort of enjoying the music and the food by herself. He clears his throat a bit as he sits next to her. To his relief, she actually looks pleased to see him. “Ah, hello,” He says quietly, just a tad nervous. 

  She brushes her sunny hair behind her ear. “Hi. Genji, right? You're the guy that tried to flirt with me when we first moved in, huh?” She asks with a playful smirk. How could she forget that? Genji just chuckle and nods.

  “Yeah, that's me. I just thought I'd, you know, come by and introduce myself formally, instead of…that, so…” He holds out his hand. “I'm Genji.”

  “Angela,” She says with a sweet smile, and Genji melts just a little when she takes his hand in hers and shakes it. Across the yard, Hanzo is staring at them intently. Jesse looks at him with a raised eyebrow. 

  “What’re you starin’ at them for?” He asks quietly as Genji and Angela just talk. Hanzo downs the rest of his beer. 

  “I must help him,” He states with such a determination it actually surprises Jesse. He rests a hand on Hanzo's thigh, concerned. 

  “Help him how?”

  Hanzo stands up. “He played…what do you call it- ah, wingman for me. I must do the same.” He starts walking over, and all Jesse can do is watch. It was a bit obvious Hanzo was buzzed, seeming to have just a little bit of a low tolerance for alcohol. The guy only just finished his second beer after all.

  Both Genji and Angela look up when Hanzo walks over. He gives a nod to the both of them, and Genji just smiles, confused. “Um, hi?” Genji glances at Angela, who is just smiling warmly Hanzo puts his hands on his hips. 

  “Ah, hi, Angela, I'm Genji's brother, Hanzo,” He says, holding out hi hand. Angela chuckle and shakes his hand. 

  “I know. I'm Angela. We've seen each other in our driveways, haven't we?” She says cheerfully, and Hanzo nods. 

  “Yes, we have,” Hanzo confirms, smiling a little. “So, do you, um. Do you like my brother?” He asks, and Genji’s eyes widen. He quickly looks at Angela, who doesn't look bothered at all by the question. 

  “Well, yes, I do. He's very sweet,” She says, and Genji looks at Hanzo. He had a bad feeling about this. Hanzo just grins then. 

  “That's good, because-” Playing dumb earlier was so damn easy. It was time for payback, Genji, you dick.  “-because he really wants to get in your pants.”

  A quiet falls over everyone in the yard. Genji stares in shock, and Angela's eyes go wide. From behind them, Fareeha and Gabriel burst out laughing, and Jesse has his mouth covered with one of his hands. Ana gives a disapproving look Hanzo's direction, but doesn't say anything, even as she frowns and shakes her head. Jack just kind of looks away from the whole scene. Lúcio and Hana exchange a funny look. Everyone in the yard is just kind of amazed Hanzo actually said that. Nobody took Hanzo as a very dense man, but…maybe they were wrong. 

  Angela clears her throat, finally finding the words to speak. “Well, I didn't know that.” She looks at Genji, who's still shocked into silence. Genji wants to die. Is this payback? Is this payback for any wrongdoings he's ever committed against Hanzo? 

  “Angela, I, uh, I don't actually- I mean, it'd be nice to-”

  She raises an eyebrow. 

  “Oh my God wait that's not- What I really mean is that Hanzo is drunk and he doesn't know what that means because apparently he doesn't know English as well as I thought he did, because honestly who doesn't know what that phrase means? Fucking Hanzo, I guess, so I'm sorry about him and-”

  To stop his rambling, Angela grips his shoulders. “It's fine,” She whispers, smiling slightly. Hanzo grins triumphantly. Jesse comes over and grabs Hanzo's arm and pulls him away.

  He gives him a stern look, and he opens his mouth to say something, but Fareeha comes over, resting her hand on Jesse's shoulder. “You really know how to pick ‘em, Jess,” She murmurs, and Jesse scowls.

  “Get outta here,” He mutters, swatting at her until she raises her hands and steps away from him. He looks back at Hanzo, who's blushing a bit now. Jesse doesn't seem angry with him. “So, ya really don't knot what that means, Han?” He asks, and Hanzo just shrugs. 

  “I know a lot of English, and I'm very good at it,” He states with a nod. “But there  _ are  _ actually things I still have to learn. I suppose.”  He's high giving himself in his head. Genji walks over with a huff after apologizing to Angela. 

  “You'd be surprised by what he knows and what he doesn't. I'm serious,” He mutters, crossing his arms as the two of them look at him. “Sometimes I wonder where he heard some of the things he's said to me.” Hanzo still won't tell him. But then again, Genji doesn't want to know. 

  Hanzo smirks a bit. “Did I help?” He asks, lowkey mocking him, and Genji stares at him for a long moment before he sighs.

  “I mean, she did say she wanted to go out on a date with me, so, uh, yeah, I guess you did. Asshole.” He rolls his eyes a bit. God damnit. “But you embarrassed the hell out of me, I hope you're happy.”

  Nodding, Hanzo smiles. “I'm very happy, yes,” He says quietly, and Jesse huffs. 

  “I'm cuttin’ you off, no more beer,” He states sternly, and Hanzo is about to protest, but Genji holds up a hand. 

  “I think we’re just gonna head home, actually. It was really nice hanging out, Jesse,” He gently grips Hanzo's shoulder and starts nudging him away. Jesse looks a bit sad, but he gets it. He had some repercussions to deal with here. 

  “Alright. See ya guys ‘round.” He waves a bit at them before he turns away to hopefully get the party back to having fun. Hana and Lúcio have been silently watching the scene unfold from a corner of the yard after having shared introductions. 

  Lúcio leans in close to her. “So, Hanzo is my intern,” He starts, voice a bit quiet. Hana grins slowly, nudging him a bit. He snickers and continues. “And he has work with me tomorrow morning. This is…this is gonna be so good.”

  “I bet,” She agrees, looking at him. “I'd tease the hell out of him if I were you.”

  “Oh, trust me. I will,” He murmurs with a heavy sigh. “I will.”

 

***

 

  Fareeha plops down on the couch next to Jesse late that night, putting her arm around him. “So, you really like that guy, don't you?” She asks, and Jesse shrugs, crossing his arms. He's kind of blushing, and Fareeha is surprised. Jesse was not a man that blushed over a guy he liked. 

  “Yeah, I do. I mean, I haven't known him long, but…there’s somethin’ about him…” He shakes his head and sighs.

  She rests her head against his shoulder. “And you're sure you don't just like him because he looks like sex on legs in that dress?” She asks, and Angela laughs from where she sits across from them. 

  “I don't think he's that shallow,” She says, smiling a little sympathetically as she sips her tea. But then, she pauses. “Well, actually, he  _ did  _ sleep with that one girl just because she looked good with his hat on.”

  Jesse glares. “I was drunk off my ass, okay, that doesn't count,” He insists, and Angela shakes her head.

  “Yes it does. I don't care what you say. So I'd believe it if you only liked Hanzo because he's cute, and not because he said his brother wanted to get in my pants.” Angela smirks, and Jesse rolls his eyes, trying not to laugh. 

  “Okay, I'll admit that was funny as hell. Can't believe ya actually said yes to him.” He shakes his head, and Fareeha chuckles.

  “Really? She's been totally smitten with him, Jesse. She's talked about him a lot since we moved in-”

  “Hey, not a lot,” She mutters, blushing a bit. “I mean. Maybe a little, but…”

  Fareeha shakes her head slowly, getting up. She couldn't believe  _ those two _ were the people I her friends were falling for. It was…hilarious. “You two seriously know how to pick them…”


	4. That's it. We'll put him in a dress.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mchanzo will resume after this short lil chap friendos

 

  “Sooo.” Lúcio slides on over to Hanzo's desk in his office, which was just across from his own. “That barbecue was pretty wild, wasn't it?” He asks with a smirk, and Hanzo rolls his eyes a bit, putting down his pencil. 

  “I already told you I had been messing with Genji,” He explains quietly with a scowl. “It was a joke… mostly.” He  _ had  _ been drunk after all. Lowkey he hadn't intended on the whole thing happening at all, but still. Lúcio laughs a little, standing up straight. 

  “Mm, right, right.” He nods a bit, then his smile fades. “So, ah, Hana’s your boss? At the café?” He asks, looking at Hanzo. Hanzo's eyes widen a bit. 

  Oh shit, how did Lúcio find out about that? Embarrassment washes over him, and he puts his face in his hands. “How did you-”

  “She told me,” He explains with a casual shrug. Hanzo looks up and away from Lúcio, glaring at nothing in particular. 

  “Backstabber,” He whispers through his teeth, angry. Then, he looks at Lúcio. “Yes, she's my boss. Why?” 

  Letting out a little bit of whistle, Lúcio smiles. “Because she's pretty hot. I mean, good looking. Cute. And she's real nice,” He murmurs, looking all smitten. “I'd really like to, you know, get to know her.”

  “Is that another euphemism for sex?” Hanzo asks, resting his head in his hand as he leaned against his desk. Lúcio quickly shakes his head.

  “Well, not for me, anyways. I actually wanna know her. I was wondering if…maybe you could help me out?” He smiles, a hint of hope in his eyes. Hanzo stares at him for a long moment.

  “How do you expect me to help?” He asks, sighing, exasperated. Lúcio shrugs.

  He actually hadn't thought that through. He didn't expect to get this far. “Uh…I'm actually not sure. Maybe…talk to her for me? See what she likes, so I can ask her out right. Maybe get that brother of yours to help, she said they were friends.”

  Leaning back in his chair, Hanzo sighs and crosses his arms. “I'll talk to him about it. I'm sure he'd be willing to help.” He pauses, and Lúcio raises an eyebrow. Hanzo smiles a bit. “I mean, maybe I'd be more willing to help if I was, you know, actually paid for my internship…”

  Lúcio points a finger at him, his eyes narrowing a little bit. “You'll get paid soon, man, your internship is up in a couple months.” Hanzo rolls his eyes, shaking his head dismissively. 

  “Fine. Anyways, I'll talk to Genji tonight, and get back to you when I can. Now, I have a lot of work to do here, so…” He waves his hand, gesturing for Lúcio to get the hell out. Lúcio raises his hands in defense before backing out of Hanzo's office and closing the door.

  Once the door is closed, Lúcio does a little victory dance. Aw hell yeah, he was  _ so  _ getting Hana. She was- shit, she was such a lovely girl. Lúcio really, really digs her, and he'd love for this all to work out. He tries not to let his hopes get too high before anything actually happens, though.

  That night, Hanzo walks inside as Genji and Hana are sprawled across the couch, eating popcorn as they watch some old cowboy movie with Jesse, who has seated himself on the chair next to the couch. Hanzo can't help but smile just a bit at the scene; all the people he liked most in one room. He shakes himself out of that and takes a breath. 

  “Genji, can I talk to you?” He asks, and Genji nods a bit, patting Hana’s side a bit so she'd get off him. He follows Hanzo into the kitchen, and Hanzo takes a breath. “So, Lúcio has a big crush on Hana,” He murmurs, and Genji's eyes go a bit wide. 

  “Oh.” He looks pretty surprised. “That's…yeah, I mean, I can see why, she's like, the best.” He shrugs. “So what's he gonna do?” He asks, putting his hands on his hips.

  “See, that's where you and I come in. He said we should, um…see what she likes, so he knows how to ask her out on a date,” Hanzo explains, leaning against the counter. Genji takes this in, nodding slowly. 

  He crosses his arms, then shrugs his shoulders just a bit. “Well, the answer is pretty simple,” She murmurs. “Video games, music, boys, especially of the ‘maid’ variety-”

  “That's it. We'll put him in a dress.” Hanzo rubs his chin as if he's putting serious thought into this. “That's perfect, she'll love it-”

  “No, no, we don't- no,” Genji shakes his head. “We won't put him in a dress. I mean, not unless he wants to, but that's beside the point.”

  This is so confusing to Hanzo. If she likes those things, then why not go for it? “I think he might look rather good in our uniform, really,” Hanzo admits quietly, shrugging. Genji rolls his eyes. 

  “We'll put that as Plan B or something. Plan A, though,” He rubs his hands together. “I've got an idea…”

 

***

 

  “Do I really need a script for this?” Lúcio asks, a bit bewildered as Genji hands him the stapled packet of paper. He looks through it. “Do I  _ really  _ need to say this much to her?”

  Genji smirks. “Uh, yeah. I'm pretty sure.” He hands Lúcio his phone. “Okay, call her. Go.”

  Lúcio rolls his eyes a bit before dialing Hana’s number. He waits a bit, and then he smiles. “Hey there, Hana!” He looks at the script, unsure of why he's actually reading this. He shakes his head and shoves it back in Genji's hands. Genji looks offended. “Yeah, yeah, I'm good. So, I actually have a question...so, yeah, I got that computer game you like to play. I was wondering if you'd want to come over and teach me to play it…” Genji glares at Lúcio, who shakes his head. 

  How fucking lame was that pick up? That sounds so obvious, like he's actually-

  “Ah, that's awesome! So, uh, how does tomorrow sound?...Great, great, I'll text you my address and I'll see you then, definitely...okay, talk to you later.” He hangs up.

  Genji looks at his script, then at Lúcio. “It probably would've gone even better if you used my script.”

  “I don't believe you.” Lúcio sets his phone down and looks at his computer. “I don't actually have the game she likes. I…don't know what it's called, either.”

  Snickering, Genji holds up his script. “It was all in here, my friend.” He smirks, smacking Lúcio over the head with the papers. “Go buy it now. And, hey, you have to tell me how it went when you can, okay?” He was eager to see how this turned out. Hana wasn't an easy woman to please. He wondered if Lúcio could pull this off. 

  Lúcio rubs the top of his head a bit, scowling. “Fine, fine,” He mumbles. “Now get outta here, I got a lot of work to do…”

 

***

 

  Hanzo looks up when Lúcio just sort of…walks into their house one evening. Genji was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and Hanzo was just sort of chilling, waiting. He raises an eyebrow at Lúcio, who looks flustered with his arms crossed and his face in a pout. “Where's Genji?” He asks, and Hanzo glances over his shoulder at the kitchen, where Genji can be heard singing along (terribly) to some kpop song Hana showed him a while back.

  “He's making dinner.” He points to the kitchen. “Is everything okay?” He asks, but Lúcio is walking towards the kitchen before he can get an answer. Hanzo decides to drop it, then, and turn back to his phone.

  Genji is just kind of jamming to the music playing from his phone, drumming his fingers in the air as he waits for his stir fry to cook. Lúcio huffs and nudges him. “Hey, we gotta talk.” He mutters, and Genji looks at him. 

  “Oh, hey-” He turns off the music. “What's up? What happened?” He asks, confused as to why Lúcio looks upset instead of totally thrilled that he had a big date.

  “She left early. Apparently I did so horribly at the game she said she had some stuff to do for the café and went home early. I mean, she didn’t say that it was an excuse but I could tell she was really frustrated.” The words rang clear in his head. ‘ _ Are you even trying _ ?’ “That was a bad plan, dude. I mean, she sent an apology text, saying we could do something else but still. What else can we do?” He asks, and Genji looks kinda surprised. 

  “Were you that bad at the game?” He asks quietly, and Lúcio shakes his head. 

  “Not the point, man,” He mutters, and Genji nods. 

  “Okay, okay, maybe you could try the music approach next. Maybe you could take her to the studio. Teach her how to mix music or something, I bet that would be cool. She's a fan of yours anyways, she'd love to see how you do it,” Genji offers, and Lúcio sighs and nods a little bit. 

  “Yeah, that might be better. Hanzo could clear some studio time, I’ll bring her over...and smooth jam my way into her heart,” He murmurs with a grin to himself. Genji smirks and nudges him.

  “There you go. That’s perfect.” He uncrosses his arms and turns back to his food, which luckily he hasn’t neglected enough to burn. “Anyways, do you want to stay for dinner?” He asks, glancing at Lúcio over his shoulder. Lúcio shrugs a bit.

  “Nah, I gotta get back to the studio. I have some demos to finish up for one of the clients on my label.” He huffs a bit.

  Genji nods. “Alright. Send Hanzo in on your way out, please. And tell me how your next date goes!”

 

***

 

  Hanzo swears he gets a feeling of deja vu when Lúcio stalks into their house  _ again _ just a few days later, looking almost as equally upset as he did last time. The only thing different is the fact that Jesse was situated next to Hanzo, just as confused by Lúcio walking in. “The hell?” Jesse asks quietly, and Lúcio rolls his eyes a bit, looking at Hanzo.

  “Is Genji home?” He asks, and Hanzo shakes his head a bit.

  “No...which is why Jesse is over,” He explains quietly, gesturing to Jesse. They weren’t on a date or anything, but when Genji was around when they hung out, there was definitely a lot of teasing going on. It was just easier without him there, honestly. 

  Lúcio sighs. “When is he gonna be back?” He asks, and all Hanzo can offer him is a shrug. So Lúcio huffs and walks out again, pulling out his phone. He calls Genji, irritated, and when Genji picks up, before he can greet him, Lúcio speaks. “We’re going to Plan C. Get me a dress, Genji.”

 

***

 

  Hana smiles and bows as a few customers walk out. “Thank you for coming, it was a pleasure to have you,” She says cheerfully, and the customers wave at her a bit. Hanzo comes over and waves a pretty decent bit of cash at her, and Hana grins. “Good tippers?” She asks, and Hanzo nods, tucking it back into his apron.

  “Great tippers,” He says with a smirk. “You know, you were right. It  _ is _ much easier now that I’m having a bit more fun.” He crosses his arms, and Hana nods, her expression suddenly pretty smug. Hanzo chuckles, and he’s about to speak again when the doors fly open again. They both turn to look, and there, back in his old uniform, is Genji. He smiles sweetly at Hana, whose eyes widen in surprise.

  The boombox he’s holding starts playing Hana’s favorite song, and Hanzo is trying so hard not to burst out laughing at his brother, who looks so stern in his dress, and- shit, where the hell did he get a boombox? Hana’s seriously confused, until she sees Lúcio come in behind Genji, his dreads all wrapped up in a bow, the dress he’s wearing comically short, the look on his face extra sweet; His smile could give you a cavity, it was that sweet. Genji puts his free hand on his hip, his look not any less focused and stern. Lúcio does a little dance to the music, and the other customers start to look over at what’s going on. Hana can’t help the ridiculous grin that comes across her face as she crosses her arms. 

  “Hana! Would you do me the honor of being-” Before Lúcio can even finish his sentence, Hana laughs and waves one of ger hands, shaking her head.

  “Turn off the music, oh my God,” She says through her laughter. Hanzo is still snickering behind her, his face in his hands. Genji does as he’s told, relaxing a bit. Hana look between Genji and Lúcio, chuckling. “What the hell is all this?” She asks, and Lúcio just kind of smiles.

  “I’m asking you out,” He explains. “Genji and I figured you’d like this best.” When he says that, Hana gives an ‘ _ are you fucking kidding me _ ’ look to Genji. Then she sighs and smiles, going over to Lúcio, cupping his face and kissing his forehead.

  “There’s a few things I have to say first,” She says quietly. “One, don’t ever trust Genji with relationship advice. He’s like, the worst, okay?”

  Genji gasps, scandalized, pressing his free hand to his heart. “Bitch,” He whispers, fake offended and hurt. Hana glares at him before continuing.

  “Two, you didn’t have to put on a dress for me to say yes to being your girlfriend. I mean, look at what you’ve done for me so far. You know what I like, and even if the dates were kind awkward and stuff, I had a good time.” She smirks. “And three…” She takes a couple bills from the pocket in her apron and slides them into Lúcio’s top. “This is for you. Thanks for the show, babe.”


	5. My brother is very important to me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> now back to your regularly scheduled mchanzo

Fareeha and Angela watch as Jesse paces around the living room, visibly a bit flustered. He’s been doing this for a while now, but he hasn't told them what's going on, and they kind of don't want to ask; they think he'll bite their heads off or something… Angela is the one to finally say something. 

  “Okay, Jesse, what's going on?” She asks, huffing. Jesse looks at her, his expression changing to one of fear. 

  “I have my first actual real date with Hanzo tonight,” He tells her, running a hand through his hair. “And I don't know what the hell to do.”

  Fareeha looks at him for a long moment. “Well…what did you guys have planned?” She asks him, looking pretty exasperated. Jesse sighs.

  “We’re going to dinner. He said he wanted somethin’ simple, but-“ 

  “But nothing, dude. It's just dinner,” Fareeha mumbles, flipping his hat off his head, which he scrambles to pick up off the floor. “You sit down, you eat-”

  “Maybe play a little footsie under the table,” Angela adds in with a grin. 

  Fareeha nods, smiling. “Then you go home and fuck him,” She finishes, crossing her arms with a smirk. That makes Angela laugh, and Jesse gives her a dirty look, putting his hat back on his head.

  “I'm not having sex with him,” He mutters. Then, he scoffs and looks away from them. “Yet.” Fareeha and Angela both laugh at that. Jesse is about to walk upstairs to avoid their ridicule when Angela suddenly gasps.

  “Wait!” She shouts after him. “What the hell are you wearing?” She asks, sounding panicked. Jesse stops where he stands on the stairs, looking confused. 

  “Whaddya mean? Do I gotta dress up or somethin’?” He asks, looking down at his clothes. He thought he looked fine, actually… Angela nods quickly. 

  “Of course you do,” She insists. “You can't wear a dirty flannel and mud stained jeans on a date, Jesse.” She puts her hands on her hips, a stern look on her face. Fareeha snickers. 

  “You sound like my mom, Angela,” She murmurs, and Angela shoots her a look before looking back at Jesse. 

  “Come on, I'm helping you pick out an outfit,” She says, waving her hand a bit. She then shoves Jesse up the stairs, with full intentions of dressing him properly. Fareeha just watches them before shaking her head.

  Those two made things unnecessarily complicated. 

  Back at the Shimadas, Hanzo is finishing tying his hair up in a ponytail when Genji walks into Hanzo's room in a robe with a towel wrapped around his head like he was coming back from a spa or something. Hanzo raises an eyebrow as he grabs his nice leather jacket off a hook on his closet door. “What are you doing?” He asks, looking his brother over.

  Genji offers him a little shrug. “Just came in to wish you good luck on your date,” He says, leaning against the doorframe. Hanzo eyes him warily as he zips up his jacket.

  “Uh huh…and why are you wishing me luck and not teasing? This is…suspiciously  _ quiet  _ of you…” Hanzo doesn't trust him for a second, but Genji just smiles. 

  “I'm serious. I know how much you like him, and I do want you to have a good time,” He insists, and Hanzo just stays quiet for a moment before he nods slowly. 

  “Okay. Thank you then, Genji,” He says quietly. He grabs his wallet and his keys, putting them in his pockets. “I'll be home later tonight.” He walks out past Genji and heads downstairs. Jesse was waiting outside for him, being the driver tonight. 

  Jesse smiles brightly when he sees Hanzo, and Hanzo can't help but smile back. Jesse looked good. Really good. He kind of can't believe that Jesse cleaned up so nicely…mm… He presses a little kiss to Jesse's cheek in greeting, and Jesse chuckles. “Good to see you too darlin’. And might I say you look stunning.” 

  “I could say the same,” Hanzo responds. Jesse gives his hand a little squeeze before leading him to his car. The drive to the restaurant is quiet but comfortable, both of them just a tad nervous and hoping this date would go well. 

  It's a fairly new place, one that has great reviews so far. They walk in, and they're greeted by a cheerful young woman with purple hair, at least, on one side of her head. Her all black uniform looked pretty good on her. “Good evening, gentlemen,” She says with a smile. “Two?” 

  Jesse nods. “Mhm, just the two of us.” The young woman nods, gesturing for the two of them to follow her. She seats them at a small table for two, then hands them a couple menus. 

  “There you go. My name is Olivia, if you need anything. Your server will be right with you.” She walks off, and Hanzo and Jesse smile at each other. They take a moment to look over their menus and talk a little bit before a man walks over.

  “Good evening,” He says, his voice sounding like he's lowering it on purpose. Hanzo eyes him. His hair was dark black, almost like it had recently been dyed, and the mustache on his face looked a bit...fake. Hanzo stares closely, and- Oh God. “My name is Genjo, I'll be your server tonight. Can I get you started with some drinks?”

  Hanzo nearly chokes because holy fuck what the hell is  _ Genji  _ doing here? Hanzo  _ knew  _  something was up with this guy. Of fucking course it was Genji. Jesse looks at Hanzo before he looks at Genjo. “We'll both have water, please,” Jesse tells the man, who nods a little. “Hey, ya know, my date here has a brother named Genj _ i _ . Your names are awful close, how crazy is that?” He says with a laugh, and Hanzo smacks his forehead. He can’t believe that Jesse doesn’t see that this is actually Genji...

  “I'd have to say it is pretty crazy, yes. Are you ready to order?” Genjo asks, and Jesse shrugs. 

  “I'm ready, are you?” He asks Hazno, who just nods and closes his eyes. Genjo writes both their orders down, then tells them he'll be back with their drinks. Jesse decides to peruse the menu a little more, and when he opens it, Genjo tilts his fake glasses down to look at Hanzo and wink. 

  Hanzo glares and tells him to fuck off under his breath.

  “What?” He asks. “Did ya say something?” He asks, and Hanzo just sighs and shakes his head a bit, not wanting to tell him Genji disguised himself as their fucking  _ waiter _ so he could spy on their date. It was terribly embarrassing. 

  Forcing a bit of a smile, Hanzo looks up when Genji comes back with a couple glasses of water. “I’ll be back with your meals shortly.” He smiles at the two of them, and Jesse narrows his eyes a little bit. Genji hurries away before Jesse can recognize him, and Hanzo rolls his eyes. Jesse looks at Hanzo.

  “Hey, did he look familiar to you?” He asks quietly, glancing in the direction Genji walked. “I don’t know, somethin’ about him seems familiar. And not just his name.” Hanzo quickly shakes his head,

  “No, I have no clue who he is,” He murmurs, picking up his water glass and sipping at it. Jesse eyes him suspiciously before he nods a bit and leans back in his chair. 

  Back in the back of the restaurant, Genji is laughing. “Olivia, I cannot thank you enough for letting me do this,” He says to the hostess who seated Hanzo and Jesse. Olivia just grins, crossing her arms.

  “No problem. It took a little convincing but my boss got a big kick out of the idea. He said it was cool.” She looks at him. “So what’s the big deal about these guys, hm?” She asks, glancing back at Hanzo and Jesse. Genji smirks.

  “My brother and his almost-boyfriend,” He explains, sighing. “I have to make sure Jesse is right for him, after all. My brother is very important to me.” Olivia nods slowly, pursing her lips as she takes this in. 

  “I see. Well, if I can help in any other way, feel free to grab me. I love all this sneaky drama going on,” She says with a grin. Genji nods and plays with his fake mustache, acting all smug.

  He looks over as the bell from the kitchen rings, and he grabs the plates. He nods at Olivia before he goes back to his brother’s table. “And here you go,” He says as he sets the plates down, forgetting to lower his voice like he had been doing before. It’s then it clicks in Jesse’s mind.

  “Oh- Genji! What the hell- I thought you were Genjo!” He looks betrayed and hurt, and Genji just stares at him, eyes a bit wide. It makes matters worse when his fake mustache falls into Jesse's food. Jesse looks at his food, then back at Genji. “Ya lied? Wait- why-?” He seems bewildered, and Hanzo sighs heavily. 

  “He was spying, McCree,” Hanzo provides, shaking his head in exasperation. “On us, on our date.” Jesse's jaw drops, and Hanzo sighs again. “I have to commend you, brother, you went to great lengths to do this. Your hair, for one, and you even got a job here.”

  Genji looks between Hanzo and Jesse. “I, um... Don't actually work here, a friend let me do this,” He explains quietly, and Hanzo rubs his temples. Jesse shakes his head, forlorn. 

  “I thought I could trust you, Genji,” He murmurs, sighing. Genji laughs nervously. 

  “I just wanted to make sure you were having a good time,” He says with a smile. “That's all. Well, that and I wanted to make sure Jesse didn't try anything funny.”

  Jesse glares. “Hey, I'd never do that, I respect Hanzo too much.” Hanzo looks over, pressing a hand to his heart. Aw. The emotion is short lived, because right after, Hanzo glares at Genji.

  “Just go home so we can  _ actually  _ enjoy our date, Genji,” He mutters, and Jesse shakes his head. 

  “Ya know, I gotta say, this is the most interesting date I've ever been on,” Jesse murmurs, looking between the brothers. “Genjo here made it twice as interesting.” He can't believe he didn't see it right away. He felt stupid. Maybe he was so focused on Hanzo he couldn't see it at first… oh well. 

  Genji smiles a little. “So…are we cool?” He asks, looking between them. “If you want, I'll pay the check.”

  “Yes, you owe us that,” Hanzo mutters. Genji nods and starts to walk away, but Jesse stops him.

  “I think I'm gonna take a page from Hanzo's book and say…because of this, don't expect your first date with Angela to go any better than this…”

 

***

 

  Hanzo and Jesse are out in Jesse's car in the driveway, just kind of…sitting there. The date had gone smoothly after Genji stopped meddling, and they were both pretty satisfied. Jesse looks at Hanzo. “So, I had a really good time with you tonight, Han,” He murmurs, looking at Hanzo. It was dark, and he was illuminated a bit by the moonlight. It made him glow, and Jesse might even say he could fall in love with Hanzo just from the way he looked right now.

 Smiling a little, Hanzo rests against the seat. “Even with Genji screwing up the date like he did?” He asks, and Jesse just chuckles and nods.

  “Yeah, even with that.” He goes quiet. Then, he leans over and looks at Hanzo. “Can I kiss you, Hanzo?” He asks quietly, and Hanzo inhales sharply. 

  “I thought you'd never ask,” He murmurs before cupping Jesse's face and kissing him a bit hard, as if he'd been waiting for this moment all night. Jesse gasps quietly, surprised, but he totally kisses him right back. They get pretty caught up with each other, but they're interrupted when there's a knock on the window, and a flashlight flashing at them. They quickly pull away, surprised.

  Fareeha’s mother, Ana, stands outside the car, shining the flashlight in on them. “No making out in the driveway!” Ana snaps. “Someone could see! Into the house, Jesse!” She points at the house before turning off the flashlight and walking back inside. 

  Jesse scowls. “So uptight,” He mutters, pouting a bit. “Well…I guess I'll see ya soon, Hanzo.” He gives him another quick kiss, and Hanzo nods and smiles. 

  “Yeah. Goodnight, Jesse,” He says before getting out and heading inside his home. Genji looks up when he walks in, and Hanzo just sighs happily. “You know,” He starts as he takes off his coat. “I'm kind of glad he got to see how we are tonight.”

  “Why?” Genji asks, raising an eyebrow. Hanzo just chuckles, smiling fondly just at the thought of Jesse.

  “Because now... he won't be surprised by us once he's actually in our family.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooo while I was writing this I accidentally typed genjo instead of genji and I decided to roll with it and that's how you got genjo the mystery waiter. have a nice day lmao


	6. I'm dedicated to my craft.

  Genji sits with a little boy who had a bloody nose on the side of the mat, sighing. He looks at the other kid, a little girl who had a bruised hand, and sighs again. “Look. I know I said stuff about teaching you to beat people up but you can't  _ actually  _ punch someone in the face like this when you're sparring in here.” 

  The little girl pouts a bit and looks away. 

  Genji rolls his eyes and looks at the boy, who has his head tilted back a bit, his tears finally subsiding. “I called your mom, she's on the way.” He looks at the girl, pointing at her and glaring. “Yours too.” The girl just huffs, and both their moms walk in then. He leads them both over and explains what happened. 

  Neither parent is happy at all. 

  Genji runs a hand through his hair, shaking his head a bit. The other kids have started filing out, and amidst the people walking out, a familiar head of bright blonde hair walks in. He can't help the smile that comes to his face. “Hi, Genji,” Angela says cheerfully, coming over to him. 

  “Angela, hey. What are you doing here?” He asks, pleasantly surprised. She shrugs a bit, smiling softly. 

  “Your brother told me you worked here, so I figured I'd drop by and say hi. I was wondering if you'd wanna grab a quick cup of coffee or something? It's not too late for you, is it?” She asks, looking a bit worried. 

  Looking at his watch, Genji sees it's only five. Mm. He didn't have work tomorrow, so it should be fine. “Nah, it's fine. I'd love to. Let me get this thing-” He tugs at his gi. “-off, and we can go.” He gives her a little wave and hurries off to change. 

  Meanwhile, outside, Hanzo and Jesse are keeping their eyes on the dojo from Hanzo’s car across the street. Hanzo's got a pair of binoculars in his hands, and they're watching Angela and Genji through the big windows. Both of them are in all black, and Jesse has a pair of sunglasses on to try and disguise himself some more. 

  “They doin’ anything yet?” Jesse asks, and Hanzo raises the binoculars again. Genji has walked back out to Angela, back in his street clothes. He presses a kiss to her cheek, and they walk outside. 

  “He kissed her cheek…and they're walking to the coffee shop a few buildings down…” Hanzo watches, and neither of the other two seem to notice Hanzo and Jesse watching them. Jesse raises his sunglasses a bit. 

  “Mm, they are. She's got a late shift tonight, she'd die without coffee…” He shifts in his seat. “Should we follow them in?”

  Hanzo looks at him, putting the binoculars down. “And do what?” He asks. “We'd definitely get caught then, you know.” Jesse shrugs. 

  “I don't know, we could get some pretty sweet revenge crashing their date like he crashed ours,” Jesse explains, looking at Hanzo. “Maybe…embarrass him a little.” He smirks, and Hanzo chuckles. 

  “Good idea.” He starts to get out of the car, but a siren going off behind them makes them both freeze. They exchange a look and stay seated in the car. “Shit. Okay, we’re just parked here- are we in a no parking zone?” He whispers frantically, and Jesse shakes his head. 

  “No, we should be fine, I don't know what's-  _ Jack _ ?” Jesse looks confused when Jack walks up to Hanzo's window. “Thought you quit the force.” He says with a nervous chuckle, and Jack shakes his head. 

  “Nope. But I did get a call from an anonymous person saying a couple of shady looking characters were staring at the karate place with binoculars as kids were walking out.” He puts his hands on his hips, and both Hanzo and Jesse groan. Oh, fuck. Mortified, Hanzo shakes his head quickly. 

  “Officer Morrison, I promise we were just- we were spying on my brother,” He explains with a nervous laugh, and Jesse nods quickly in agreement. 

  “Yeah, on Genji. Definitely not the kids. We were just, like- okay, it's complicated, but to make a long story short, Genji crashed our first date so we're kinda tryin’ to get back at him,” Jesse tries to explain this as simply and easily as he can. Jack just chuckles. 

  “Alright, I'm not an idiot, boys. I know you, I figured you'd be up to some sort of shenanigans.” He taps the top of the car before leaning down to speak to them eye to eye. “But if I may make a suggestion…maybe don't sit in front of a place with a bunch of kids and watch the place across the street with binoculars. It really doesn't look good on your part,” Jack murmurs, smirking. “Okay? Anyways, I'm glad it's you guys and not some gross pervert.”

  “Gross,” Hanzo mutters, shaking his head. Jesse just chuckles. 

  “Definitely not gross perverts, Jack. So, are we good to go? We kinda gotta get to that coffee shop. We got date crashin’ to do,” Jesse says hopefully, and Jack nods.

  “Yeah, you're fine to go. But don't do it again,” He warns, and the two nod before hurrying out of the car and across the street towards the coffee shop.

  “That was a close one,” Hanzo murmurs, taking a deep breath. Jesse nods in agreement. 

  “We're idiots. I didn't even think of that.” He huffs. “Never speak of this again?” He asks, and Hanzo nods. 

  “Never again,” He agrees, sighing. They both put their sunglasses back on before walking into the coffee shop. Aside from the usual chatter of coffee shops, they both hear Genji laughing. Hm, so it was going well. They take a seat at the other end of the shop, keeping their eyes on them. They seem to be having a good time, lots of smiling, lots of laughter. It was actually kinda cute. 

  “I think I've got cavities,” Jesse murmurs with a little sneer as he stares them down. Hanzo raises an eyebrow and looks at him. 

  “Do you? Are they bothering you? I've got some aspirin in my-”

  “No- No, Hanzo, I mean, they're being ridiculously sweet. It's like. They're so sweet it's givin’ me cavities. Because…you know, sweets give ya cavities,” He explains, and Hanzo lets out a long “oh” before nodding. 

  “Right, right. I understand now. Yes, it's very gross that they're being so sweet,” He agrees, and then he sighs. “I'll be honest. As much as I want to get Genji back, Angela is having such a good time…I'd feel bad for ruining her date.”

  Jesse is quiet for a moment before he nods in agreement. “Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Damn it. She's just too nice a girl to ruin this. We'll just have to get Genji back when he's alone, I guess.” He huffs and stands up. “Oh well. I'm gonna grab a drink. Might as well, while we're here.” Hanzo watches as Jesse heads to the counter to order, then he glances back at his brother.

  He'd be honest, all joking aside, Genji hasn't looked this happy in a long time. While he knew Genji saw the same thing in him when it came to Jesse, he cared just a little more about Genji's happiness. So he won't ruin this, despite the fact it would be-

  “ _ Jesse _ ?!” Genji gasps, followed by the sound of liquid hitting tile. Hanzo stands up and looks to Genji, who is now covered in frappuccino. Jesse’s sunglasses have fallen halfway off his face, and his hand is clenched around a scrunched up plastic cup. His eyes are wide, and Angela, who sits in front of him, is shocked. She was splashed a bit too, but Genji took the brunt of the sugary sweet liquid.

  “What the hell happened?” Hanzo asks, looking at the scene. Genji looks up at Hanzo.

  “Wait, what are  _ you _ doing here?” He snaps, confused. “Were you- wait a second.” He stands up, glaring. “You two were crashing my date, weren’t you?” He asks, looking between Hanzo and Jesse, both of them looking just a bit guilty.

  “Well,” Jesse rubs the back of his neck with his clean hand. “At first. We were just gonna go home, and I wanted coffee before we left, but on my way back to Hanzo I tripped and...now you’re covered in coffee.”

  Both Genji and Angela stare at him for a moment before laughing. “Are you serious?” Angela asks, nudging Jesse. “God, you’re the worst,” She mutters, shaking her head and smiling. “And now Genji and I are covered in…frappuccino.” She sighs and gets up. “Thank you, Jesse.” She turns to Genji. “I have to get to work now, but…we should definitely go out again, Genji,” She says before pressing a kiss to Genji's cheek. She walks out, then, and Genji turns to his brother and Jesse again. 

  “Is this payback?” He asks them quietly, wiping whipped cream off his face. Hanzo crosses his arms, then nods with a smirk. 

  “Mhm. Payback. It's no fair that  _ Genjo _ gets to have incident free dates and I don't, after all.” He grins when Genji grimaces. 

  “Look, I came up with the name last second-”

  “Obviously,” Jesse mutters.

  He shoots a glare at Jesse. “Can we agree on not crashing each other's dates anymore?” He asks, and both Hanzo and Jesse nod, shrugging. 

  “Fine by me.” Hanzo ruffles Genji's hair. “But did you really dye it black just to spy on us?”

  Shrugging, Genji starts walking out, followed by the other two. “What can I say? I'm dedicated to my craft.”

 

***

 

  “Shit, son, I don't think I've ever been more proud,” Gabriel claps Jesse on the back, grinning and chuckling. “Ya did good. Nobody's good enough for our Angela here.” He puts an arm around Angela, who huffs. 

  “I actually  _ like _ him, Gabriel,” She says, pouting a bit and crossing her arms. “And don't enable him! He'll think it's okay to spill coffee on  _ all _ my dates!”

  Jesse smirks at Angela when Gabriel just chuckles and shakes his head. “Nah, he's fine. I think it's funny as hell. But seriously, you really like that kid?” He asks her. “He's so…weird.”

  Angela huffs and starts counting off her fingers. “I think he's cute, and funny, and-” 

  “He hit on you before we were even moved in,” Fareeha shouts from the kitchen. “I still can't believe you actually went on a date with him, dude.”

  Rolling her eyes, Angela puts her hand down. “Fine, fine. Say what you want, but I think he's sweet.”

  “I think his brother's  _ real _ sweet. Got a good kiss from him the other night,” He says with a cocky grin, and Gabriel nudges him. 

  “Way to go, son.” He pats his back again. “In all seriousness, if you two like them, then I say go for it. But if they ever,  _ ever  _ try to hurt you, I will kill them. And if I find out you hurt  _ them _ , I will not hesitate to get Jack and kick your respective asses,” He warns, glaring at them both. “Do I make myself clear?”

  Both Angela and Jesse nod quickly. “Yes sir.”


	7. He does what with dogs?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> howdyyyy folkssssss  
> phew it's been a long time since I last updated this huh. I've been busy with my other fic 'maybe I just wanna be yours'. y'all should check it out if you like angsty mchanzo shit
> 
> anyways I've been fiddling with this chapter for a little while. I think this fic will actually be over within the next few chapters, but I'm not sure bc I literally have no plan with this thing. I'm winging every single chapter of this lmaooo
> 
> anyways I hope y'all like this chapter even if it is dumb and short

 This is Jesse's best idea yet. It's by far the best one he's ever had but he can't believe it took him this long to do it. He saw it on TV once, back when he was a kid, and when he saw a billboard for it on his way home from work one night, he couldn't help it when that passion and interest was sparked up again, It was something he needed to do for his life to be completely fulfilled. That’s right.

  He needed a dog to dance with. He needed to dance with a dog to his favorite country music. Sure, some people might find it laughable or stupid but Jesse? Oh, he thought it was the best thing ever. I mean, getting a dog to dance with you? That was fucking awesome…

  Which was why Jesse was standing there in the pet shelter, eyeing the dogs he came across. They all looked fine, he thought, but none of them were really  _ speaking _ to him, you know? The person waiting for him to pick his dog just kind of stands there, mildly uncomfortable with how he’s staring at each of the dogs. “Um, sir?” The woman says quietly. “Are you actually going to pick an animal?” She asks quietly, glancing at the dogs before looking back at Jesse.

  Jesse takes a deep breath and puts his hands on his hips. “Say, do you know which ‘a these dogs would be best for dancing with?” He asks the young woman, who suddenly looks baffled.

  “What do you mean?” She asks warily, taking a step back. Jesse lowkey laughs. He couldn’t really be any more specific…

  “I wanna dog I can dance with, miss. Ya know, like in those competitions. Ya dance with ‘em to your favorite country songs,” He explains, and the poor woman in front of him actually cringes. 

  “Sir, I don’t really know if any of our dogs here are able to, um...dance with you, I suppose…” She murmurs, glancing at the dogs in their cages. One of them- a german shepherd -perks up when the woman looks at him. He lets out a playful bark, and Jesse grins at him. He kneels down and stares at the dog.

  “Hey, buddy,” He says quietly, and the dog barks again. Jesse chuckles. “Say, pal, are you any good at dancing? Do ya know how?” He asks, and the dog just stares at him, tilting his head, his tail wagging excitedly. Jesse hums quietly. “Well, that's alright. I'll teach ya,” He says with a grin. He stands back up. “I'll take this fella here,” He tells the young woman, who is still giving him an odd look. 

  “Alright, sir,” She murmurs. “You got it.” She leads Jesse out, then sends him to the front to get all the paperwork worked out. She gets the dog ready, then once everything is sorted, she brings him out to Jesse, who is waiting eagerly. “Have you picked a new name for him?” She asks, and Jesse stares at the dog for a moment before he nods. 

  “Mhm, I have,” He says, very sure of himself. The woman nods and hands him the leash, and the dog barks. Jesse grins. “His new name is Jesse Junior. JJ. My name’s Jesse, by the way.” The woman just sort of stares before nodding. 

  “Alright. Good luck, have a nice a day.” She gives him a smile and hurries off to help another family. 

  Jesse looks down at JJ and grins. “Oh, we're gonna have the best time, JJ, you're just gonna love it.”

  Fareeha stares at the dog, arms crossed, visibly confused, when Jesse walks inside the house. Jesse stands in the doorway, gripping the leash, a huge smile on his face. Angela just watches from where she stands behind Fareeha. She looks at the dog, then at Jesse, then back at the dog. 

  “My only question,” Fareeha starts with a sigh. “Is  _ why _ you got the dog. We don't need a dog,” She says, tone exasperated. Jesse just shrugs.

  “Ya see, when I was a kid I heard of this thing called dog dancin’ and it looked mighty swell, and I saw an ad for it somewhere a week ago, and I figured I'd give it a go,” He explains. “So I went and got a dog.” He gestures to JJ, who is sitting at his feet.

  Fareeha has no words, absolutely baffled by what she's just heard, so Angela speaks up. “D-Dog…dancing? What is that?” She asks, confused. Jesse smirks. 

  “Ya dance with dogs, Angela,” He explains simply. “I'm gonna train him to be the best damn dancer ever.” He kneels down enough to scratch behind JJ’s ears. 

  Fareeha mutters something the two of them can't make out under her breath before she sighs, shaking her head. Angela watches for a moment before she looks at Jesse. “Ooookay then. So…what's your dog's name, then?” She asks, stepping closer and kneeling enough to let the dog sniff her hand. 

  Jesse grins. “Jesse Junior.”

  “Of course it is.” Of course it is. What else would it be? 

  “But I call him JJ.”

  Angela rests a hand on her forehead, eyes closed. Holy shit. “Did you…did you think this through at all?” She asks, and Jesse shrugs.

  “I thought of namin’ him Hanzo Junior but Hanzo don't like dogs- he's a cat person, ya know? -and I don't think he woulda liked havin’ a dog named after him.”

  The two women just stare at him some more. Fareeha speaks up again. “Jesse, I don't think this is a good idea,” She murmurs, looking down at JJ, who's resting at Jesse's feet. Well, he  _ was  _ cute. Jesse pouts.

  “Well…” He looks down at the dog. “I guess I don't give a damn, ‘Reeha, because I've adopted him and I'm not takin’ him back,” He says sternly. “I'm gonna take real good care of him, y'all don't even need to worry, alright?” He pulls the leash a bit, and JJ gets to his feet. “I'll show ya, this'll be great.” 

 

***

 

  Hanzo takes his hair out of its ribbon as he walks inside after a long day at work. He'd made great tips, but he'd gotten groped once or twice by some new guys in town. Hana had promptly suplexed them, then kicked them out of the café. Hana was such a sweetheart, defending her boys like that. He hangs up his bag by the door, then rubs a hand over his face…

  Then he's tackled by a large dog. 

  A large dog. 

  Dog? 

  “Genji!” Hanzo screams as he falls to the floor, the dog jumping on his chest. “What the hell! Whose dog is this?!” He shouts, becoming angry when he hears Genji's laughter- along with Jesse’s. 

  “I can see up your skirt, brother,” Genji says through his laughter, and Hanzo lets out an angry groan, trying to get the dog off.

  “Shut up! And what are you doing here, Jesse?! Did  _ you _ have something to do with this?” He snaps, and instead of receiving a direct response, Jesse just whistles sharply. 

  “JJ, get down now, buddy,” Jesse requests, and on command the dog gets off Hanzo, allowing the man to sit up, his hair now a mess, the skirt of his uniform hiked up. 

  “Who is JJ?” Hanzo mutters, glaring at the two men above him. Jesse points down at the dog, smiling widely. 

  “This is. He's my dog. I got him about a week ago, sorry to introduce you two like this,” He says, scratching behind JJ’s ears. Genji grins, reaching a hand out to help Hanzo up. 

  Hanzo just nods in thanks, then smooths out his skirt, sighing. “Why did you get a dog? And what does JJ stand for?”

  Jesse smiles proudly, his hands on his hips. “I'm gonna teach him to dance with me! And get this,” He leans in, grinning. “JJ stands for Jesse Junior. Funny, huh?” Hanzo stares at him for a long moment before he closes his eyes and rubs the bridge of his nose. 

  “Of course that's what it stands for…” He whispers, sighing quietly. He looks at him again and crosses his arms. “You're…wait.” He narrows his eyes, then, then looks at Genji. “He's going to do  _ what _ with a dog?”

  Genji can't help but laugh. “He's going to dance with it. He's gonna teach JJ to dance to country music with him, and they're going to compete. He told me about it earlier.”

  Hanzo's gaze falls back to Jesse. “You're joking, right?” He asks, and Genji shakes his head. Jesse smiles proudly, nodding. 

  “Mhm, JJ here is gonna be the best little guy at dancing. Just you wait, darlin’, it's gonna be great.”

 

***

 

  “He does  _ what _ with dogs?” Gabe tries to process what Fareeha just told him. She nods, grinning.

  “Yeah. He dances. He and JJ actually won their first competition a few days ago, you know,” She mentions, leaning against the kitchen counter. Gabe pauses, thinking this over, then he rubs a hand over his face.

  “Let me guess what JJ stands for...he named the damn dog Jesse Junior,” Gabe mutters, exasperated. Fareeha nods, laughing, and Gabriel just shakes his head a bit. “Of course that’s what he named it…”

  “I know, right? Well, look, his next competition is tonight and he invited us all to go and see. I think it'd mean a lot to him if you went too. You're like his dad, you know.” Fareeha nudges Gabe, who sighs. 

  “Yeah alright. I'll go. I've never heard of this whole…dog dancing thing, though,” He mutters, sitting down on the couch. Fareeha sits next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. 

  “It's actually kinda cool. I didn't know you could teach dogs to do that sorta thing…just wait and see, okay?” She says, smiling at him. Gabriel nods and puts an arm around her shoulder. 

  “Okay, kiddo.” 

***

 

  Everyone stares in awe as they watch JJ twirl around Jesse on his hind legs, hopping along and listening to Jesse's cues as they went along with the music. Jesse gets down on all fours, and JJ runs and bounces off his back, letting out a small bark. They both roll over at the same time, making the crowd chuckle, and they both get up and stand as they finish their routine, Jesse taking a bow, taking his hat off and pressing it to his chest, and JJ bowing his head. The applause is nice to hear, and you can bet your ass that Jesse's friends and family are cheering the loudest...even if they don't actually get why he's doing this.

  And when Jesse wins first place at the awards ceremony later in the evening, they all erupt into cheer and laughter and applause. Jesse cries. He actually cries. He didn't know his friends and family would be so supportive. He takes the microphone from the emcee and sniffles. “I'd like to thank everyone for comin’ out tonight to support all us dancers. And thanks to my dog JJ for bein’ such a good sport an’ learnin’ everything. And thanks to my all my friends and family who came tonight, I love y'all with-” He sniffles, tears streaming down his face. “I love y'all with all my heart an’ it means so much you'd come out to support me an’ JJ.” 

  A wave of ‘aw’s goes through the audience, and Genji can be heard bursting into tears, followed by Hanzo trying to shush him. The rest of the audience chuckles, then, once Jesse hands the mic back, applauses once more. Jesse and JJ head to where the gang is waiting, and they all give Jesse a big group hug, all saying some sort of variation of congratulations. That night at home, Hanzo is sure to give his man a big kiss to let him know how proud he is… even if he doesn't understand the sport. 

  Jesse is just glad he's got such a great support system, as such an  _ awesome  _ dog. I mean, a dog who can dance? 

  That's fuckin’ sick. 


End file.
